Tik Tok Gurlzzzz!

Vote on American Idol for my song!

COD17-Hot Mess

Debra calls for a free money book but she's afraid her trailer will be taken by the FDA before the book arrives which would put her and the 'girls' out on the street. A very helpful but persistant woman tries to keep Debra focused but a bit of self mutilation ensues for lack of a pen and paper. Next Debra calls Applebees looking for her grand daughter, Natalie, who left her purse at home and went to work. Natalie needs her glucose monitor because she's diabetic. Debra calls a Merle Norman store to inquire about freckle cover for one of "the girls", Natalie. Sadly the woman rebuffed Debra saying that the only makeup they carry is foundation. Debra then explained to the lady how the owner was married to a lovely blonde drag queen. This marriage sadly ended and ruined the owners life. This is why they no longer sell makeup, except for foundation. Oh, and a few eyeshadows. Next, Debra thinks she's pregnant so she calls a crisis line. The young woman finds help for the desperate Debra. Next Debra calls a prayer line where she speaks of her daughter's F2M transformation as well as her son's homosexuality. Debra delves deep into a Fact of Life themed psychotic episode. Fortunately, her son is on the phone to help her out.

In My Eyes She Sees the Love

COD16-Taking a bad trip with E and the gurlz

Calls in order

• Walmart - Talks to a cleaner about the facts of life DVD box set to find out WALMART supercenter is closed!
• Walmart - A nice 24 hour lady looks for her facts of life dvd box set even tho the first lady was very RUDE
• Chat line - Debra thinks she IS mrs garrett at this point. The extacy is in full force and Debra's feeling it?

On her weekly visit to walmart, Debra finds a small plastic bag on the ground beside her car filled with extacy. Thinking it is her own lithium and it fell out of her purse as she got out, she picks it up and stashes it in her purse. Later, after taking her first dose for the day which means missing her dose of lithium, Debra spirals into a weird combination of the effects of the extacy and a total psychosis where she believes she is Mrs. Garrett from The Facts of Life. On the way down, she calls Walmart looking for The Facts of Life DVD box set, but finds that the store is closed and the only person available is with maintenance. Finding another Walmart that is open, Debra speaks with a clueless woman who passes the call on to a very helpful and nice lady who gives Debra the bad news. They don't carry The Facts of Life DVD box set. This causes Debra to slip deep into her psychosis where she thinks she is Mrs. Garrett. Feeling the full effects of the extacy, she calls a singles chat line where she lets her inner whore out to play.

Before the effects wear off, Debra writes her own Fan Porn:

Facts of Life outsourced to India for the last season that never aired. But Mrs. Gahred, Tusti, Bahlair, Joei and Nartalika just didn't make the cut.

Mrs. Garrett eyed tootie through the steamy shower room door with lust in her eyes. Her long lush eyelashes dripping with water laced with the essence of tootie that filled the room in the form of steam.

Tootie had no idea of her amorous admirer until she felt a brush against her nubile back.

Mrs. Garrett's ample boosum and large supple nipples brushed against tooties neck. Tootie's skin reacted with thousands of little goose pimples.

Tootie exclaimed, "somebody's gonna be in trooooubleeeee"

Edna swiftly spun tootie around and pushed her into her enormous cleavage. Tootie couldn't breath.

Edna was so overjoyed, she begin singing "Love in an elevator" as tootie's arms swung widly trying to find something to get a grip on to pull herself from certain death by breast asphyxiation.

Tootie suddently realized that Edna's Edibles wasn't JUST a store front. It was an apt description of Edna Garrett's inentions.

Then came the jokes:

1. Did you hear about that horrible documentary about Blair after the facts of life? Seems she moved to mass. in the woos to be alone. I think it was called Blair Witch.
2. Tootie witch. Sequel to Blair witch.
3. Did you know Mrs. Garrett was a lesbian? Seems she was found at the Ihop eating Tootie fruity pancakes.
4. They made Joe be the butch bulldagger... because she already was. They covered her in tootie's fruity topping.
5. Natalie, being the food lover she is, couldn't control herself and actually ATE tootie out... literally. The only thing left was course pig tails and roller skates... and a little piece of chewing gum to the side.
6. That's when Mrs Garett stopped breast feeding natalie. She had to get milk from the other cow. To this day, Natalie can't pass the dairy section of super walmart without mooing to fond childhood memories.
7. It was when Natalie decided to try to become healthy by weightlifting. But she went too far and popped a prolapse while squatting 400 pounds. Poor tootie was right behind her. Tootie never smelled the same from the spray.

CODV3-Greta Van Susteren Sits Down With Debra Wilkerson for First Interview

FOX News' Greta Van Susteren is in Mississippi to get Debra Wilkerson's reflections on the clothes and Africa.

COD15- Spitting the seed out in a fetus container while listing to briny spears.

A free sample of Cajun Black Beans with Sausage at the local Sam's Club causes Debra to have a traumatic flash back of past sexual abuse with her father's obsession with BDSM & Latex fetishes. She rushes home in a panic where she finds solace in calling a 24 hour prayer line. Unfortunately, it wasn't what she expected. Her lack of lithium drives Debra into a deep psychotic break. To try to drown the memories, Debra tries some catalog phone shopping for her dear friend Cheryl who needs some plastic fetus containers. Still thinking she's Mrs. Garrett from The Fact Of Life, Debra slides even deeper by belting out tunes from the top 100 billboard.

COD14- Cutting Through the Bridge of Hope With Chef Tony's Knives

Debra begins her slow slip into religious-based  psychosis due to a tragic accident where her lithium and other medications have been absconded away by a house invading squirrel to be hidden away for the winter.  The neighborhood rodent population will never be the same.

Debra begins her slow journey by trying to be a good Christian lady who donates to needy people through Rod Parsley's ministry. Then her mental state leads her to try to buy a set of knives with a motive that has yet to be revealed. All that is known is that she believes at this point that she is Mrs. Garret from The Facts of Life. Unfortunately, a conversation with her non-existant husband, who refuses to pay for the knives, ends this call in disappointment. If you listen closely, you can even hear poor Debra responding to herself as her own husband.