It was a dark and misty road at 2 AM in the countryside outside of Petaluma. Debra's fingers are numb from the cold as she grips the steering wheel and drives toward her hotel where she will stay for her sistie's wake. It's so cold, she's sporting a pair of glass cutters in her bra. Not even realizing that she is day dreaming of Kim Kardashian's recently released nude photos, she's startled to attention as she swerves to miss the barely visible ducks crossing the road.
Filled with adrenaline and, well... lust from her daydream, Debra asks Siri to call her fateful prayer line for a bit of prayer about her son's new-found interest in women in a certain condition.
Siri continues to guide her to her hotel in the background. Before she knows it, she has arrived. Unfortunately, Debra couldn't find a hotel that would accommodate her seeing eye ducks on such short notice. Having no other option for the feathered fowl, dinner was delicious that night. "Quack." She enjoyed herself more than Mama June at a NAMBLA convention. Allegedly.
Getting little help from the prayer line, Debra calls a couple of local spas thinking a wrap and massage will help her feel better before the wake. Then she slips off her clothes and slips under the covers of her warm hotel room bed. Still feeling frisky from the BIG Kardashian reveal in Paper Magazine, she picks a number at random from the hotel phone book which turns out to be a Mormon establishment. "Mark? How big is it, Mark?"
Getting no satisfaction on any front, combined with the lack of sleep, Debra slips easily into another psychosis. She calls a frozen treat establishment to order a special cake for her family doctor. Startled at hearing a familiar southern drawl on the phone, she snaps out of her schizophrenic mental state. "It's like talking to family," she thinks to herself.
Debra's Eyes flutter open as the sunlight through the hotel window partially bathes her naked form. She realizes, as her eyes adjust, that it was partially blocked by the two portly Chinese men staring at her from the other side of her first floor window. Keeping her composure, Debra sits up on the side of the bed closest to the window, slowly and deliberately crosses then uncrossed her legs Sharon Stone style, then stands and walks to the door.
Debbie invites the men inside. They follow her never taking their eyes off of her saggy, wrinkled ass. Debra looks over her shoulder to be sure she had their attention. Then she widens her stance and slowly bends over. The men are alarmed when a bright spot of light flashes from the depths of Debra's posterior.
A wind picks up through out the hotel room as Debra's secret is revealed to the two men. She is cursed with an anti-prolapse! Small, light items begin to shake and slide from all over the room toward the sphincter of doom. Curtains sway toward her. A virtual tornado of turbulence fills the room as everything not nailed down is sucked into the black depths of Debra's butt monster.
The men, completely transfixed up to this point, realize they are being pulled into Debra's pucker palace. Before they can even react, they are pulled into the downtown brownie's event horizon to never return. Getting her composure back and feeling fully charged if not a bit bloated, Debra announces to the emptied room, "That was NOT normal."
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