Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Jesus spoke to me last night after a bit of sacrificial wine and a couple of unidentified pills I found on the sidewalk that looked like Jesus. (He wouldn’t lead me astray.) He told me that I must work hard to save you all. His last words before I passed out were, “Tell them to rate you and write a review on iTunes or they are going to purgatory with Gumby and Jerry Falwell!” Do it now or burn!
Debra calls for a massage and facial (of a different kind), but finds an obstacle in her way. Lindsey? Is that you??
She calls a pregnancy hotline for help. Instead she gets a referral to Hoover, International.
Debra, being the desperate woman she is, calls that old familiar dating hotline to find someone to service her “mattress.” There may have been a gun involved.
Debra finds an amazing moment of clarity where she remembers a rather large donation to the Baker’s ministry to help with a new satellite. Knowing that the satellite was taken by TBN after the fall of the ministry, Debra calls to get her donation back!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Debra's latest psychotic episode is triggered by black mold in her mattress caused by her frequent bed-wetting. She's believes she is at the Winter Olympics where she learns to see herself in a new white light. The diversity she experienced made her want to explore her darker side... "If ya know what I mean. Come on."
When she returns from Sochi, Debra starts her day by wanting to be darker on the outside which leads to a call to anunknowledgable tanning attendant. Oprah would be proud!
Little Debbie decides to watch a bit of tv and comes across a woman who eats mattresses. Being the kind and caring woman that she is, she calls around to find a 'healthy' mattress to donate to the poor floor-sleeper.
Debra decides she wants to have a little darkness deep inside, too. She calls for a massage from a dark skinned man. Find out if she gets her chocolate covered happy ending in this episode!
Review and rate my show on iTunes like the good Christians you are!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Our First Lady of Edna's Edibles seeks herbal assistance with a feminine problem. The conversation lends itself to a revelation or two from Debra. Valentine's Day makes it's mark on Debra's drug store crush. Listen to this episode for a surprise ending to this call! The NSA has nothing on Debra's sneaky abilities.
The loss from the death of Debra's dog a few years ago finds it's way back into her life when the stuffing of her deceased canine pops out. She calls through tears to seek help from an expert.
Debra makes a nervous call to her favorite Chinese place because, once again, she has lost an important heirloom. Unfortunately for The both of them, the language barrier causes a few issues.
Debra's life-long strange addiction comes to the surface for all to see. She can't take anymore so she calls for guidance. Tune in to find out her secrets!
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Hey, y'all. So much happens outside my show that I thought I'd start blogging a few of my experiences to share with you in the hopes my unique situations can help you think about your own self and GET SAVED!
Not too very long ago, God spoke to me during a late-night adult tv commercial and lead me to preach to the young ladies at the local strip club as they danced for the men. Maybe dollar bills wouldn't be the only thing raining down. I prayed for god to spray his pure white love all over these jiggly girls with their demon titties... and maybe a little Jesus juice would splash out onto the heathens that like to call themselves men. The ones who gaze a burning hole in any little bit of spiritual armor these defenseless ladies have, all while touching themselves under the tables.
I was praying at this one little jiggly who was about to demonstrate to me whatever motor boating was for a fiver when I smelled a strange yet familiar odor. It brought back memories of my childhood living in a cabin one summer with my daddy and Uncle Calhoun.
They would sit together on the porch swing by the swamp swinging and a-smoking, hour after hour, day after lazy day. They'd start laughing and snickering and carrying on all happy like a beaver in the springtime thaw. They would laugh so hard their eyes turned red.
Once, Uncle Calhoun even fell over backward in the swamp water when the swing chain broke and the whole thing fell down. He came up hand first cupping that funny little cigarette so tight that not a drop of water got on it. Oh those were the good old days when people were proper, god fearing Christians with morals.
But I digress. Back to my story. I felt light headed and my mind began to drift. I couldn't think right. Those demon titties were mesmerizing me. It was an attack from Satan! I was sure of it.
I stumbled out of my chair right into a couple of young men with bloodshot eyes and trails of smoke twisting from their nostrils. "So this is where the smell is coming from," I mumbled to myself as they both grabbed an arm to help an old lady to keep from falling.
They sat me back down but something just wasn't right. They kept blowing smoke in my face. The next coherent moment I had was when I realized my chiffon blouse was missing right along with my bra! I blacked out again, but not before feeling two pair of moist, young, supple lips on my milk portals! These two young men were suckling the righteousness right out of my chest rockets!
I don't remember anything after that until waking up at home with my bra on the outside of my ripped and stained chiffon blouse. I composed myself and prayed for clarity and forgiveness for anything that happened. God gave me only one bit more of information... Names. I think the young men's names were Justin Sherrif and Khalieber... or maybe Justin was a Sherrif. It's still not clear.
I have a lot of praying and soul searching to do tonight. So I'm gonna close here. God bless all the Christians.
EDIT: I must have been cooking at some point. I found a little baggie of oregano in the pocket of my chiffon pannies. I'm gonna cook some spaghetti tonight!
EDIT 2: God just revealed one more thing to me just now. I found a photo on my phone! I post this only so you all can learn from my mistakes and embarrassment. Satan is a powerful adversary who made a good Christian woman allow this! It's all his fault! GET SAVED!
EDIT 3: A kind friend just identified one of the young men in the photo above as Justin Bieber. Funny one, Madge. Funny one.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Debra gets a bit lonely and tries to reach out to her new friend, Ardy Hotdogs, but his roommate answers. Ray explains that Ardy seems to be missing, but Debra finds that Ray might just fill her lonely void, instead.
She falls right into a friendly conversation with a lovely ex train hopper covering topics such as weed, alcohol and crusty "brownies." As is becoming habit lately, Debra's crusty brownie gets a bit moist with Ray and special guest star, Burt Reynolds... Sorta.
Brought to you by Ardy Hotdogs. Eat Fresh!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Debra calls a psychic hotline to use a promotional offer of five free minutes to find out if her dear friend, Madge, will ever find a job. But she finds some not-so-ethereal obstacles in her way.
She calls to order a batch of Fleets enemas and, instead, gets a face full of Canadian rage. I'm sorry.
After watching an episode of Three's Company which triggers one of her delusions, Debra focuses on Jack and calls a trucker prayer line to get some advice about her homosexual son.
Grammys!! Grammys!! Grammys!!