Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Debbie Does Duggars


Today we learned that even though the economy is improving, Debra's financial situation is tanking. Knowing what happens when she comes off her meds that she can no longer afford, she decided to take on a part-time job rather than slipping back into psychosis and doing God only knows what. 

She read that recently a gay homosexual cameraman was fired from the 19 kids and counting show and they were looking to fill the position. Little Debbie decided to go for it. The skills she learned from a long-ago career in silent film pornography might finally come in handy.

Wanting to get right on it, Debra swooped by the local truck stop before heading home from the Scientology Clear Center, to grab a sausage dog, a bunch of other snacks and a 64 oz fountain coke with triple cherry syrup. She hurried home where she pulled up her comfy barco-lounger to her faithful Tandy-Radio Shack computer. 

She surrounded herself with all the goodies, a box of wet wipes and a bedpan for... the obvious, because she did not want to be distracted. She scoured the web to update her skills in filmography and to learn all she could about the Duggar family. Many, many hours later (and a side-trip to a Pat Robertson erotic fan fiction porn site), Debra felt she was ready.

At the studio's office, she waited patiently after handing over her resume to the secretary. She was going to ace this interview if it killed her. "Debra Wilkerson," she heard from the back room. 

A bit nervous, but ready to face the fire, Debra walked into the room with all the confidence that Jesus (and recently Xenu) could give her. Before she could even sit down, she heard the man say, "You're hired." Chalking her oddly quick employment up to the power of Xenus or Jenu or whoever in the hell she was into this week, she didn't ask questions. She didn't know that they just wanted to fill the position with a minority figure. 

Her first day on the job was easy going. She was trained on the equipment and on the policies that the Duggar family and the producers put in place to keep things running smoothly. "Debbie, why don't you take lunch. Come back in an hour."

Debra took the opportunity to sneak about the compound a bit while the family was together in the Old Testament bible study room. She heard bits and pieces of the prayers as she passed by. 

"Our father in heaven, we pray for forgiveness for our son's vegetable finger rings. Rid us of this shame. Smite those that come against us as we smite our son for coming against the girls (and on them (allegedly))."

Debbie wondered out loud as she walked away why they were praying for vegetable finger rings. "Honey, I don't think that's what they said," a fellow crew member whispered to her as he pointed a wiggling finger down to Debra's spicy wonderland betwixt her thighs. "Let's just say you don't want to let them lay a FINGER on ya."

Looking quite confused, Debbie walked on whispering under her breath, "Vegetable finger rings. Vegetable finger rings. Hmm. Vegetable fingering." Coming to a realization of what she overheard, she reflexively yelled out, "VAGINAL FINGERING!" Thank goodness she was far enough away for the family to not hear (except one), but a couple of crew members snickered at her.


As the full situation synapsed it's way through her cerebral cortex, she reacted in true Debra fashion. She snapped into a PTSD-triggered psychosis from her childhood abuse. As she collapsed to the floor, she eyed Josh headed toward her snapping on a latex glove and giving her a hungry expression. As she slipped into nightmare-infused unconsciousness, she heard the nimble-fingered Duggar boy whisper in her ear, "Don't worry new girl. I know just where the snickers go."

TBC

Thursday, May 21, 2015

COD47-Mrs. Lonely


Mr. "15" Phil. Fuck her right in the pussy. Residual milk. Feed it all to me. Italian tea bagging. Walmart bakery. Gonna bake some bread together. 


Mr. Ed. Is John Wayne on drugs. Big man all over. Talented marvelous tongue. Chiffon ensemble.  "Bahlalalalalaluhluh" making clit circles. Multi orgasmic. Flavor saver. 9.25 inches. A little manslaughter on the side.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

COD45-Take a Sexy Pussy Selfie Girl!

So like totes OMG AS IF!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

COD44-I'm Alive, Not Life Threatening



I’m alive - not life threatening!

After a bad fall at a conference hosted by Sarah Palin, Debra finds herself in a medically induced coma for a couple of months. When she wakes up, she recovers quickly and gets back to her usual not-normal self.

Debra discovers that she may have been accosted while in her coma. The proof? Her doctor tells her that she is 7 weeks pregnant! Once home, she begins to panic and calls for helpful advice. Her sistie, Cheryl, tells her to get an abortion, but Debra isn’t so sure that’s what she wants to do. A christian pregnancy help center offers advice. All things can be overcome, FOR SURE! But Debbie may get lucky and not need the abortion!

Another christian help center gives similar advice but Debra is after a bit on monetary help as well. When that doesn’t happen, she gets desperate and asks about alternate ways to get rid of the baby that may or may not involve flights of stairs. "Nooooooo. Nooo.” 

Not getting anywhere, Debra decides to tackle another problem. Her son has been dancing on her 12 foot cross in her backyard again to Madonna. But this time, his friends are involved. She calls a couple of christian book stores looking for help on the subject. On a side note, she decides that duck may be on the table soon so she needs a recipe.

By this time, Debbie’s prescription is kicking in. Now thinking she is a hollywood and stage goddess by the same first name, Debbie calls to set up an appointment to have her expensive chiffon carpet cleaned. 

She quickly gives up the call in a full anxiety attack when she learns that Harrison Ford has been in a plane crash. Reeling from the news, Debra falls to the floor and slips into another coma. When will she wake up? Will her son take the opportunity to invite more friends over for a madonna cross burning? Will her pregnancy survive the coma?


Find out what happens to Debra next time on Church of Debra!

Friday, December 5, 2014

COD43-Mentos in the Vagina

COD 43

After hearing on her favorite mainstream news station that Obama struck again by banning floor paper paste, Debra
decides to call around to stock up.

Pregnancy hotline. Debra discovers that Bob from Bob's Burgers runs a pregnancy hotline. 

Debra makes a new friend, Shannon, when she calls Waffle House to see if her job application has been approved. 


A yahoo chat session leads dirty little southern Debbie with a few phone numbers to call.  Sometime you feel like a nut... Or granny's cookies. 

Friday, November 28, 2014

COD42-Oh-Kayeeee!


Amazon gift card donations always welcome send to mailto:churchdebra@gmail.com

Debra calls Bath & Body Works looking for a Chiffon scent for her nether regions so she will not attract so many pets. Her math skills are put to the test figuring out the Black Friday sale math. Debra's Thanksgiving guest, Brother Boy calls for prayer about his homosexual tendencies. His doctor doesn't seem to be helping much with her techniques. It might take a bit of witchcraft to solve these problems! Oh-Kayeeee! Jo-ann's Fabrics sells chiffon to make a girdle so Debbie calls to see if there is a Black Friday sale. Confusion sets in when she asks if her seeing eye duck allowed. A second call is needed to find a fabric that doesn't stain. Carrier pigeons are the new text message as a prolapse pregnancy hotline employee gives numbers for help with Debra's predicament, but little other info is given as she asks for help for brother boy dressing like Tammy Wynette. Debbie may have been in the holiday libation a bit too much.