Thursday, March 5, 2015

COD44-I'm Alive, Not Life Threatening

I’m alive - not life threatening!

After a bad fall at a conference hosted by Sarah Palin, Debra finds herself in a medically induced coma for a couple of months. When she wakes up, she recovers quickly and gets back to her usual not-normal self.

Debra discovers that she may have been accosted while in her coma. The proof? Her doctor tells her that she is 7 weeks pregnant! Once home, she begins to panic and calls for helpful advice. Her sistie, Cheryl, tells her to get an abortion, but Debra isn’t so sure that’s what she wants to do. A christian pregnancy help center offers advice. All things can be overcome, FOR SURE! But Debbie may get lucky and not need the abortion!

Another christian help center gives similar advice but Debra is after a bit on monetary help as well. When that doesn’t happen, she gets desperate and asks about alternate ways to get rid of the baby that may or may not involve flights of stairs. "Nooooooo. Nooo.” 

Not getting anywhere, Debra decides to tackle another problem. Her son has been dancing on her 12 foot cross in her backyard again to Madonna. But this time, his friends are involved. She calls a couple of christian book stores looking for help on the subject. On a side note, she decides that duck may be on the table soon so she needs a recipe.

By this time, Debbie’s prescription is kicking in. Now thinking she is a hollywood and stage goddess by the same first name, Debbie calls to set up an appointment to have her expensive chiffon carpet cleaned. 

She quickly gives up the call in a full anxiety attack when she learns that Harrison Ford has been in a plane crash. Reeling from the news, Debra falls to the floor and slips into another coma. When will she wake up? Will her son take the opportunity to invite more friends over for a madonna cross burning? Will her pregnancy survive the coma?

Find out what happens to Debra next time on Church of Debra!

Friday, December 5, 2014

COD43-Mentos in the Vagina

COD 43

After hearing on her favorite mainstream news station that Obama struck again by banning floor paper paste, Debra
decides to call around to stock up.

Pregnancy hotline. Debra discovers that Bob from Bob's Burgers runs a pregnancy hotline. 

Debra makes a new friend, Shannon, when she calls Waffle House to see if her job application has been approved. 

A yahoo chat session leads dirty little southern Debbie with a few phone numbers to call.  Sometime you feel like a nut... Or granny's cookies. 

Friday, November 28, 2014


Amazon gift card donations always welcome send to

Debra calls Bath & Body Works looking for a Chiffon scent for her nether regions so she will not attract so many pets. Her math skills are put to the test figuring out the Black Friday sale math. Debra's Thanksgiving guest, Brother Boy calls for prayer about his homosexual tendencies. His doctor doesn't seem to be helping much with her techniques. It might take a bit of witchcraft to solve these problems! Oh-Kayeeee! Jo-ann's Fabrics sells chiffon to make a girdle so Debbie calls to see if there is a Black Friday sale. Confusion sets in when she asks if her seeing eye duck allowed. A second call is needed to find a fabric that doesn't stain. Carrier pigeons are the new text message as a prolapse pregnancy hotline employee gives numbers for help with Debra's predicament, but little other info is given as she asks for help for brother boy dressing like Tammy Wynette. Debbie may have been in the holiday libation a bit too much.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

COD41-Abortion Porn

It was a dark and misty road at 2 AM in the countryside outside of Petaluma. Debra's fingers are numb from the cold as she grips the steering wheel and drives toward her hotel where she will stay for her sistie's wake.  It's so cold, she's sporting a pair of glass cutters in her bra. Not even realizing that she is day dreaming of Kim Kardashian's recently released nude photos, she's startled to attention as she swerves to miss the barely visible ducks crossing the road. 

Filled with adrenaline and, well... lust from her daydream, Debra asks Siri to call her fateful prayer line for a bit of prayer about her son's new-found interest in women in a certain condition. 

Siri continues to guide her to her hotel in the background. Before she knows it, she has arrived. Unfortunately, Debra couldn't find a hotel that would accommodate her seeing eye ducks on such short notice. Having no other option for the feathered fowl, dinner was delicious that night. "Quack." She enjoyed herself more than Mama June at a NAMBLA convention.  Allegedly. 

Getting little help from the prayer line, Debra calls a couple of local spas thinking a wrap and massage will help her feel better before the wake. Then she slips off her clothes and slips under the covers of her warm hotel room bed. Still feeling frisky from the BIG Kardashian reveal in Paper Magazine, she picks a number at random from the hotel phone book which turns out to be a Mormon establishment. "Mark? How big is it, Mark?"

Getting no satisfaction on any front, combined with the lack of sleep, Debra slips easily into another psychosis. She calls a frozen treat establishment to order a special cake for her family doctor.  Startled at hearing a familiar southern drawl on the phone, she snaps out of her schizophrenic mental state. "It's like talking to family," she thinks to herself. 

Debra's Eyes flutter open as the sunlight through the hotel window partially bathes her naked form. She realizes, as her eyes adjust, that it was partially blocked by the two portly Chinese men staring at her from the other side of her first floor window.  Keeping her composure, Debra sits up on the side of the bed closest to the window, slowly and deliberately crosses then uncrossed her legs Sharon Stone style, then stands and walks to the door. 

Debbie invites the men inside. They follow her never taking their eyes off of her saggy, wrinkled ass. Debra looks over her shoulder to be sure she had their attention. Then she widens her stance and slowly bends over.  The men are alarmed when a bright spot of light flashes from the depths of Debra's posterior. 

A wind picks up through out the hotel room as Debra's secret is revealed to the two men. She is cursed with an anti-prolapse! Small, light items begin to shake and slide from all over the room toward the sphincter of doom. Curtains sway toward her. A virtual tornado of turbulence fills the room as everything not nailed down is sucked into the black depths of Debra's butt monster. 

The men, completely transfixed up to this point, realize they are being pulled into Debra's pucker palace. Before they can even react, they are pulled into the downtown brownie's event horizon to never return.  Getting her composure back and feeling fully charged if not a bit bloated, Debra announces to the emptied room, "That was NOT normal."

Kim kardashian nude Debra calls a well known prayer line to get a little prayer request filled pertaining her son's newfound activities with a loose woman. #madonnaCDburning  abortion porn. Reagan. Ice cream cake at Dairy Queen abortion cakeSenior citizen discounts for a working woman to get nails done. Men only. Massage? Back room full body.  Duck duck goose. Petaluma massage. Chiffon girdle wrap. First spa treatment. Scented oils gift wrapped for sisters casket. Leo Laporte is laPortly. Duck scented candle. Snickers candle. Selling candles out of car. Credit card number. Duck lust. Son having sex with neighbors husband. They are all mad at Debra. Knitting chiffon girdles. Eating. Glass cutters. Mormons. Debbie gets sexy. How big is it mark?

Sunday, October 19, 2014

COD40-KFC 8 Piece Abortion Bucket-O-Babies

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Being banned from the library for rubbing herself while researching pregnancy options, Debra calls a pregnancy hotline for the same old list of options. However, she discovers some shocking statistics. Aborties are dangerous. KFC DEAL 8 Piece Coupon code Chicken!!!!

Waffle House isn't all that it's quacked up to be with the senior citizens with disabilities act as they actively refuse service to Debra while she has her seeing eye animal leading the way.

Hoping to find a hotel who will accept her foul feathered friends, Debra calls for information on a room for the evening.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

COD39-Candy Corn Nipples

Pumpkin spiced lattes and candy corn dreams as Debra calls for help in full psycho mode. It's not normal!

Feeling the Fall nip(s) in the air, Debra gets frisky and calls a dating line. 

Good old Debra Sanderson of the Sanderson Sisters is looking to purchase a vacuum that will double as personal transit. Get down on it! Get down on it! 

Kathy and her boss don't seem to know what hit them when Debra calls a church for a little spiritual help with her physical problem. No fall colors. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014


Debra tries to get her ducks in a row by calling for overnight accommodations. Build a bear won't build a duck. Duck duck dog? D-U-C-K! Debbie's seeing eye duck has a bit of an addiction. She calls a specialty shop to find a solution. Ducks need entertainment, too! Political delusions take over as Debra believes she is Cindy McCain while searching for just the right amenities for her and her seeing eye duck. Debra calls Leslie Jordon for prayer about her wayward son who violates the cross (and a few ducks) by cross dressing.