COD58-Consume

Tonight's show opens with a special guest, Sylvia Browne, as Debra, in her first solo grum in a while, dedicates a bit of the show to Sylvia's great wisdom and words of guidance and comfort. She quickly moves into the latest from our current favorite heavy breather, Simply Sara and her stuffed peppers.

Feeling the warmth of humanity emanating from Sylvia's kind words, Debra does a little research into helping some girls of the night. Awkward hilarity ensues as John TV ambushes Johns and their rent girls.Debra might be a bit jealous of the attention.

The first call of the night has Debbie looking for advice about her pregnancy. She finds out abortions are dangerous for the mother AND the baby! A long list of complications read to her by the helpful man on the other end has Debbie a little confused and worried. A few awkward questions leaves her alone and afraid with nothing but more questions and a dial tone.

Still wanting a change in life from last week's episode, Debra calls about a craigslist house for rent. Mention of a gas range has Debra flashing back to a time when her house blew up from a gas explosion. Too much broccoli, perhaps.

A call to purchase some end-time soups has Debra in an altercation. Her melodic southern intonation proves troublesome for the individuals on the other end.

Memorable Quotes:
Work the runway, baby!
Let the boy get him some poontang.
I'm fuckin' 67 years old. You have no right being rude.
I'm American! Is it because I'm Black?

Debra calls another craigslist ad to ask about a mattress for sale for an extra large child and yet another about a Tiffany lamp who's deep red color reminds her of her sistie, Cheryl, and her special condition. Sylvia answers all her questions about the spirits associated with the lamp but Debra feels nostalgic and tries to channel Sylvia Browne, herself.

Needing some new wheels, Debbie calls about a truck for sale. She wants the workin' woman's rate but he won't come down in price without keeping the wheels for himself. Debra tries to offer a special deal to him. Maybe she should have offered a rim job, too.

More Memorable Quotes:
Did a baby kardashian die on it?
Did anybody die in the house? Kill themselves? Dead babies?
Gimmie a workin' woman's rate. Come own now.
One medium Kill The Gays T-shirt.
I'm so excited! i didn't know they were this big.
Yeah I got that part, Mary.

A call to a Christian restaurant has Debra looking for a rentable space for a Kim Davis support rally with at least 30 patrons. They are so helpful, Debra offers them free Kill The Gays t-shirts! Better have a medium ready!

Mack Daddy pancakes are on order as Debra gets a bit peckish and wants a 6 pound order of pancakes! ("B Y O Chili" --Sir-Pat-Oneself.) Not feeling satisfied after the ample breakfast feast, she calls around trying to find some pink chiffon vapor for dessert. Unfortunately, they don't have it. And they won't have it as Debra gets another dial tone. But she doesn't give up. A call back gets a bit more information about his king size Snickers.

Heather smokes a little chiffon and, as usual when she's stoned, calls her most recent target from her favorite adult chat line to relieve her lascivious predicament. She plays out her Starbucks men's room fantasy with her hot-to-trot beau. She explores darker fantasies as she feels her new buddy out... and up.

Heather calls an anti-abortion hotline to find help with her abortion plans. Astonishingly, the young man helps her google locations for planned parenthood. He may be looking for new employment soon.

The grum winds down with one more call to an adult chat line patron. Heather has to be quiet because her parents are downstairs. She audibly dances for him to turn him on. Her wheelchair dance sounds fascinating but he only appreciates the details of her bosom. The call goes tits-up and yet again, she's left with only a dial tone. A couple of calls back has him feeling guilty. Heather ends up with a wildly sexy pity fuck. Legs be damned!

Don't skip a syllable of tonight's striking solo spectacle or you might find a flaming bag of doggie chiffon on your front stoop!