The Duo of Deliciousness, Cheryl and Debra, bring us a special grum for those of us not on the party circuit tonight. After 20 minutes of audio testing by Debra and a short break for a beverage, the grum FINALLY begins with Debra talking to herself as a bit of a technical difficulty keeps Cheryl totally silent.
New Years Resolutions:
Cheryl: No smoking anymore, eat more, tan more.
Debra: Gain weight, Boniva.
Debra plays a string of clips from one of our new favorite grum friends, Stacy. Reliving her one-upmanship brings a tear to one's eye... from laughing so hard. Depends brand undergarments may be needed.
The girls share an old favorite call to the 700 club, one of the grum's best. "'Excuse me ma'am. I don't need to hear you doing that. You can hang up the phone."
Debra calls Stacy to catch up on her plethora of problems but she won't have any of it. The call falls flat faster than Bill Cosby's New Years date.
Are you in your closet again?
Like a Jay Leno face, but upside down.
Can I return the baby?
Dot-head Indian mixed with Negress bloom, I think.
My face is red. I had some mac and cheese.
I heard a little pee... That made me hot.
How do you feel about animal sex?
Can I shit in your mouth? You talk so slowly.
Cheryl calls for information about ProActive and how it will interact with her pregnancy. 60 day money back guarantee if the fetus is harmed! Just the fax, ma'am.
Debra calls a Craigslist numbie about a car for sale but when she gets a little personal, the call drops faster than Debra's panties at a Snicker's convention.
Feeling the sharp pain of rejection, The gurlz call Chuck Woolery for information about a Willow Curve to relieve their pain. Sadly, Chuck seems to be unavailable.
Feeling a little lonely on New Years Eve, Heather makes a call one of her many men, Ronnie. She shares memories of her grandmother's shared genetics and that fateful, gloomy day Granny lost her legs. The conversation takes a turn when Heather has a little audible accident. Seeing it doesn't phase him, Heather lets it all loose. Very loose. Cheryl joins the discussion to hash over a few issues on her mind. Do your lee-yups hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em 'round your lapse? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
More Memorable Quotes:
Wouldn't it be great if they had their own country?
That was such thick doody.
Biscuit. Biscuit. Biscuit.
I'm a smoker. I've got the smoker face. Very beautiful.
You wanna unwrap my lapse?
Hold Me Close, Tony Danza.
Show us the cheese. Come on.
I've gotta get it up or I can't put it in.
Did you get my pussy picture or not?
Just shoot me in the cunt!
Heather reaches out to Flavor-Saver, Wilford (Ed), for a quick catch-up on this special New Years Eve. His steak dinner takes a back seat to the event of the night, the dropping of the balls. His balls. Out of his boxers. A few photos, a bit of head cheese and a sick-bag later and the gurlz celebrate the new year with the Eastern time zone. Regrettably, Flav-O-Save's (t m) Tracfone runs out of data after he sent only 2 photos to the gurlz so Heather adds Tracfone customer service to the conversation. Tech Support With The Gurlz. Patt Meters the rescue! 40 minutes later, the pictures start to flow like Wilford's boxers.
The call continues as the gurlz totally miss the new year countdown for the Central Time Zone. A special sing-a-long with Heather entertains the live troops and, as usual, marks the beginning of the end for the grum. Gun control and abortion get a quick analysis as the gurlz obviously do everything they can to get Wilford (Ed) to hang up. Happy New Vooft to all and to all a good prolapse!